Computer addicts

You know you are GEEK if

You look at a movie trailer and think, “I have that typeface.”
You set up an automatic rerouting of your e-mail to your pager.
You get sudden attacks of bittersweet nostalgic feelings when thinking about your long-lost old Commodore 64, Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80 (or whatever hardware you were raised on), and use large amounts of money/time trying to track one down.
You are wearing ten year old spectacles, made of steel.
You realize you _never_ cook, eating only take-away pizza.
You check your web access_page more than once a day.
You seriously consider devoting a web page to your computer. (Not the brand, mind you, but the actual computer itself)
You have more e-mail addresses than you do pairs of shoes.
You get depressed when you get less than 10 e-mail msgs a day.
You already know what you want to write both Master’s papers and your dissertation about, and you just graduated from College.
You can discuss the philosophical and physical differences among the tangos.
Although vaguely insulted by pocket-protector jokes, you still find them funny.
You plan to get two Masters degrees.
You start getting paranoid you aren’t getting all your e-mail.(If you have sent me e-mail, and there seems to be no life from me, try again.)
Someone asks you what languages you know, and you reply Upper Slavic, French, Esperanto and C.
You spend more than 10 minutes contemplating how traffic lights work.
You can talk for hours about how, in 25 years, the whole country won’t have E-Mail addresses.
You buy a Mac SE, install 7.1 and MacHTTP, and become a web server – running over PPP (Hi Sean!).
You design detailed floorplans before moving all of your furniture around.
You’ve created a new variety of rose.
If anyone has said to you: “You are Jhayden?!?! I see you on the Vax all the time!” (Insert the appropirate substitutions, as appropriate.)
You set up your own newsgroup.
If you know the correct pronunciation of Tex, Linux, and TCL.
If you paid $6000 for your computer and $500 for your car.
There’s a newsgroup dedicated to you because of your netly activities.
Someone mentions the Q Continuum, and you know what that means.
You seriously consider scanning in a picture of a squirrel, just to bug Maryam. (Got the nice picture; am using it for blackmail.)
You get really excited that your mixer has a dough hook.
Everyone in the neighborhood brings you (to) their computers to figure out what is wrong.
You can hold detailed technical conversations in a second language.
You are on the Obscure Software and Computer Crap Junk Mailing Lists
You can explain how AppleTalk Networks work.
Sleep and nightime are no longer irrevocably linked
You arrange to get e-mail access no matter where you go.
WAIS is your life.
You walk past a Con and people know who you are.
You have a definite philosphy of stacking wood for fires.
You hear the word “Scuzzy” and the first thing you think of is not an adjective.
You went to a high school where the only team with a winning record was the Chess team.
You rig up elaborate mechanisms to do really basic tasks.
You know about USENET cultures in groups you don’t even read.
You put your pathfinder on the web
You get REALLY excited when people from countries with limited access to the ‘net are frequent visitors to your pages.
You don’t hand in final papers unless they’ve been formatted on a desktop publishing program.
You write web pages about your web pages.
Your favorite part of Geometry was proving theorems.
You’ve ever contemplated collecting graters.
You can remember your web address faster than your phone number.
You’ll spend a long time customizing a computer you’ll use for one day to the absolute pinacle of comfort, but you won’t bother to spend two hours sewing up a skirt, and wear the damn thing sarong style.
You do your best work after 11 p.m.
You work in a building where you need a badge to move between floors.
You calculate the odds of getting one of the primo parking spaces in relation to your apartment, factoring in time, weather, season, etc, and are accurate over 80% of the time.
You can count the number of moderately good hacker/computer dude type films on one hand. (I promised not to froth at the mouth when I went to go see The Net — I failed miserably. )
You’ve bought one of those license plate holders on which you can have your URL or E-Mail address embossed.
You head straight past People and the always entertaining Weekly World News for this month’s Computer Shopper
You can track the geek gene through your family tree.
You froth at the mouth when someone talks about the “Information Superhighway.”
You are a member of the USENET elite, invoked in posts in threads to which you have not posted.
You can sing Tom Lehrer’s element song.
Not only is your computer in the center of your room, it’s set up so as allow ‘netting from your couch, as well as your desk chair.
You arrange your jobs so you can telecommute.
You organize your CDs, so the tops all face upward, alphabetically, or by record label (If you do more than one of these, you are an Anal-Retentive Geek).
You spend a lot of time figuring out which of 100 adult goldfish are the most fertile, have the strongest genes, and combined to produce tiny little goldfish.
You carry an 88 mb removable cartridge to and from work.
You can sing any song from Grease 2. If you do the hand movements while singing, you should get out more.
You plot to get your grandmother on E-mail.
You’ve ever contemplated devoting a web page to World News Now, Kevin, Thalia, Bill, Shielah, Nissan, Okido, Asha, Dick Schapp, Willis, or, natch, Barry.
you rejoice at the trend toward DRM-free mp3s on Amazon, iTunes, etc…
you’re a card-carrying member of the EFF
when you have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm Graffiti characters. (Scott K. McGrath)
you think (x<<6)+(x<<4) is a perfectly natural way to multiply by 80. ( ck )
you’ve gutted and rebuilt your computer 5 times since you last changed the oil in your car. ( ck )
you know what a router is, and you know what a bit is, but you’ve never heard of a router bit. ( ck )
you know the square root of 65536 is 256 without having to do the math. ( ck )
you consider 65536 and 256 “nice round numbers”. ( ck )
…and you *always* put the period outside the quotes, since you’re not quoting the end of the sentence…what the hell do english majors know, anyway. ( ck )
you see a good-looking girl and you DESPERATELY want her e-mail address so you can get to know her.
you wake up and realize that your sleep pattern has been following an algorithm.
your computer chair has the permanent and stiff indentation of your butt in it. (Samuel L Jacobson)
the only tan you’ve ever acquired comes from your monitor. (Samuel L Jacobson)
you have assembled your own Linux distribution, and re-wrote some of the more inefficient code, just for fun. ( Hmmm… it’s a thought… )
every time someone says “I like iMacs” you get mad and shout out “So you only go for the looks, do you? Superficial guy! The inner qualities are what’s important, not the looks! Beauty is only skin-deep!”
when asked if you have more than one hard drive, you answer “In which computer?” (melvan)
you postpone your moving date so your computers can set new uptime records. (melvan)
given the choice between a T3 and a date with a good looking guy/girl, you’d take the T3. (melvan)
you’ve ever been successful at catching a spammer.
you call sex with your cute girlfriend “CuteFTP.”
you spend more time changing settings in Windows 98 than using it.
you dream of high-end computers instead of beautiful girls.
you get angry when someone says they own a Pentium IV processor. ( Andy )
your friends have a club with the word .com in it. ( Andy )
you almost get in a fight when a small child says there is no internet. ( Andy )
you think everyone should have an opinion about Bill Gates.
you refer to having sex as setting up a LAN!
you refer to going to the toilet as “extracting to the temp folder” and flushing the toilet as “deleting the temp folder”.
you refer to eating and drinking as uploading!
you understand and find www.ircnews.com funny.
you’ve ever passed notes at school in binary.
you regard the “User Friendly” virus as a good thing.
you’ve had an article appear at segfault.org.
you’ve figured out how to crash Windows NT on a 128MB system, using only Internet Explorer and Notepad.
you snicker whenever someone asks how much memory is needed for Windows NT to run smoothly.
you go into a computer store and takeover a discussion for a salesman on the specs and merits of a computer while he site there nodding as you make the sale.
you’ve ever written a useless program just for the “fun” of it.
…or you prefer writing useless programs.
a 23 GB HD, color laser, four 128MB DIMMs, and a 21″ monitor would beat out Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cameron Diaz, Heather Graham, and Cindy Crawford.
you can actually read the error message details when a Windows program has a problem.
you spend more time chatting on-line in one day then you do in a week’s worth of actual conversation with people face-to-face.
there are two magazines in front of you, the newest issue of PC Magazine and the other a porno. And you choose the PC mag over the porno.
you refer to using the bathroom as downloading.
the number of computers in your house exceeds the number of relationships you’ve had in your lifetime.
if you HAS A job or you IS A human being. (this one might be above the heads of a few computer geeks, too.)
…and you didn’t correct the grammar of that last item.
if (DEC 25 = OCT 31) means true to you.
your computer costs more and runs better than your car
your watch is set to GMT. Always. (After all, it’s the only time that makes logical sense.)
in real life, you tell people to go to http://www.hell.com/ (Mel)
when you’re reading a magazine and you see an underlined passage, you feel compelled to click on it. (Dave Tibbs)
you have the Linux Penguin sitting on your monitor
… and you know the penguin’s name.
everytime you go to write a note, you put your hands on your desk, as if looking for a keyboard to type it on. (Miko)
you’ve ever debated the merits of the FVWM95 window manager…
…with yourself.
you’re grossly offended that anyone would want to make their Linux box work anything like Windows 95.
you wake up wondering which directory you’re in. (Jason J.).
you set up your old computer next to your new one 2 months ago so that you could transfer files and you’ve been using them “both” since. (Visitor submission, Keith S.)
you have more computers now than you’ve had relationships in your lifetime.
your wallpaper is made up of Linux code. (visitor submission)
your favorite pasttime is IRC on Saturday nights. (visitor submission)
your computer is set for Dvorak… but your keyboard is actually a qwerty.
…you know what Dvorak and Qwerty refer to.
you have a PC for every person in the house, and still think you need one more. What if one goes down!? (Laura Goodwin)
you salivate when you hear the word, “upgrade” (Laura Goodwin)
instead of laughing you say “El-Oh-El!” (Laura Goodwin)
you have actually heard someone do this in real life.
…and you actually understood what it meant.
you dream in code. (Laura Goodwin)
you not only know what Be OS is, you have an opinion about it. (Laura Goodwin)
you want to be the first one on your block to be wet-wired. (Laura Goodwin)
you dual boot because you want to be able to play some of them there cool new games. (Laura Goodwin)
you bought a super socket-7 motherboard, not because you really needed it, but because you got it for only 40.00 via an online auction. Now you have a reason to build that extra computer you don’t really need. (Laura Goodwin)
to you, the word “scuzzy” is sexy. (Laura Goodwin)
your girlfriend kisses you on the neck and you think “uh oh, priority interupt!”. (Dave Tibbs)
you and the campus Unix Sysadmin have a geek contest.
…and you win.
you check your e-mail before you brush your teeth in the morning. (Abdel).
you believe Unix/Linux is the most superior operating system out there (Abdel).
you e-mail yourself notes rather than writing them…
…and you can justify the advantages of doing so.
…or you actually reply to the note.
you can program in more languages than you can speak. (From: Dan Good)
you refer to your computer as a friend.
you can talk to your computer without being sarcastic or raising your voice.
you talk to your computer the way most people talk to their significant other.
you use old CD-ROMs as coasters…
…and you’ve collected a matching set for every room in your house.
with the exception of the blood-sucking part, you have the same basic characteristics as a vampire.

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